A Coach Never Stops Coaching...I have proof!

At first glance, this picture may look like just a shot of a volleyball game in progress. However, it is so much more. It is true what they say, a picture says a thousand words!

My daughter, Hailey, is trying out volleyball for the first time this year. There have been a few aches and pains, however, she enjoys learning how to play and is sticking with it. She continues to struggle with her serving and I have to be honest in saying that I am not much help. But Hailey doesn't give up trying and even during a game, she just keeps working on getting that ball over the net. (I love that about her!)

This past week, she had a game at Roseville Middle School. Of course, I had to reminisce a bit, since I spent the majority of my teaching career in the Roseville School District. There were many people that I worked with in Roseville that taught me so much, molded me to be a great teacher, and started me on my road to leadership. One of those special people was my principal, Mr. Scott Allen. He was the principal at Little Canada Elementary, where I spent 4 years of my career. During that time, my life changed greatly, not only in my career, but in my personal life. I had both of my sweet babies while working there, went through a divorce, and began my life as a single mom. It was actually a very memorable and pivotal part of my life.

During that time, Mr. Allen was always supportive and gave me many opportunities to grow in my teaching and allowing me to step out in leadership roles in the building.

As I sat through Hailey's game, I noticed that the referee looked familiar. The referee seemed to show a bit of compassion for Hailey while she served. It almost looked like he wanted to run right out on that court and show her how to serve that ball over the net. As I began to look closer, his stance seemed a bit familiar...his legs shoulder width apart, his hands behind his back, and a smile on his face.  Then it dawned on me, I saw this man for years taking this same stance in the hallways of Little Canada Elementary. It was my former principal, Mr. Allen. Now all the pieces of this came together. Mr. Allen used to be a physical education teacher before he became a principal. Of course, he wanted to go over and help Hailey with her serve. That is what he was born to do and he loved coaching kiddos.

During the last game, Hailey was up to serve. Mr. Allen told her to move up...maybe told her to move up until she was quite close to the net. As she went to serve, she got it over the net! YEAH! Her first serve over the net! You should have seen her face, she was beaming and so was Mr. Allen. It ended up being Hailey's best game, so far. She gained some confidence and walked off that court with a smile.

After the game, I went over to Mr. Allen on the court. He was surprised to see me and quickly gave each other a hug. Hailey came running up behind me and I was thrilled to re-introduce her to Mr. Allen, since he met her when she was a baby. As soon as he saw that she was my daughter, he smiled. I thanked him for supporting her on the court and for helping her get her first serve over the net.

Even though Mr. Allen may be retired from teaching and leading, he is still not done coaching, encouraging, and helping kids be successful. A huge shout out to Mr. Allen for doing what you do best! The expanse of your influence has affected my daughter and we are so thankful.

A Proud Mama Moment

My daughter, Hailey, started her last year in middle school this fall...she is an 8th grader! I can hardly believe she is in eighth grade and wonder where the time went. I remember at one of my baby showers for Hailey, guests had to write down their best advice for a new mom. A few people wrote that I should savor every moment, because time flies by and before you know it, our babies are heading off to college. Thank goodness we aren't there yet, however, it is true.

Hailey decided to try playing volleyball this year. She seems to enjoy it and has been practicing her serving and volleying in the yard. So, as I walked into the gym to watch her play in her first game, I was filled with joy and anxiety all at the same time. As I glanced around the gym looking for her, I spotted her helping to set up chairs for the spectators. I walked right to her and gave her hug. She told me how nervous she was and in that moment I knew exactly how she was feeling. I gave her my best words of encouragement and sent her to join her team.

As a spectator at a middle school volleyball game, we sit up close and personal to the players, since our seats are around the perimeter of the gym. I was a bit nervous about being hit by a stray ball, but wanted to be as close to Hailey as possible. The game had not even started, but I was already so proud of her.

Hailey's team is a group of girls who are still working on perfecting their serve, growing their confidence to step in and hit the ball back over the net, and working together as a team. Their coach was on the sidelines encouraging the girls to work hard, do their best, and be confident.

As her team progressed through their three games, there were two girls on her team that used words to put down players who missed hitting a ball, made faces to each other when a teammate couldn't serve the ball over the net, and spoke meanly about other girls on the team to each other loud enough for the intended girl to hear their comments. It was "mean girls" at its best. All of my own awful middle school memories came rushing back and slammed me in the face. It was appalling to watch this happen and even more upsetting when their behavior was directly pointed at my daughter. Of course, the Mama Bear in me came rising up and I was planning how I would visit with Hailey's coach about what I observed.

As I ran through what I would say to the coach in my mind, I looked across the court to see Hailey speaking to the two mean girls on her team. She sat very still, looking them both in the eyes, and spoke with a serious look on her face. One of the mean girls responded to what Hailey said to them with facial expressions that shouted anger and body language that was fierce. Hailey sat calmly and listened and replied with a shrug and few words. Shortly after, Hailey stood up and had a conversation with her coach. The coach looked at the two mean girls. I was dying to know what was said and what I needed to do to stand up for my girl.

When you become a mom, you do not want anything to hurt your sweet babies. You want to protect them from any and all harm. No matter how old Hailey and Ezra get, I continue to have their backs and support them in what is right.

At the end of the game, I went over to Hailey and hugged her. The two of us walked to her locker and I was able to ask her what happened. She told me how mean the two girls were being to the other girls on her team. Hailey asked them why they were being mean to girls on their own team? She told them that was mean. Of course, one of the mean girls hurled back insults and justifications. Yet, Hailey responded by telling them that she didn't care if they liked her or not, but she would be nice to the girls on her team and encourage them to do their best. Then she told her coach what the two girls had been doing during the game.

WOW! I could not have been more proud about how Hailey dealt with this situation. There was no need for me to talk to her coach. What she did was better than any conversation I could have had with her coach. It made me realize that as a parent, we try to teach our kids all we can about being a positive, kind, giving, and compassionate person and one day we watch them put it into action.

My Journey of Becoming the Leading Lady

Ten years! I have been divorced for ten years! I have been divorced longer than I was married....three years longer than I was married. However, I can't believe it has been that long, because it has flown by so fast. The past ten years have taught me more than I could have ever imagined and the people along my path in that time have been helpful, good and bad, in becoming who I am today.

As I think about a decade flying by while I was raising Ezra and Hailey as a single mom, I have decided that I wouldn't want it any other way. What a blessing for me to be able to give all I can to being their mom! At the beginning of my journey as a single mom, Hailey's play therapist and my therapist played a big role when it came to giving me guidance and hope for the life I was jumping into. They told me about the important role I had in their lives. I needed to provide a safe, stable, and loving home for them to grow up in and do my best to help them see the importance of what a healthy family looks like, even if I was doing it on my own. As I struggled with the loneliness that I experienced when my kids with with their dad, they told me to find who Gretchen was again, to invest in others, and take time to better myself, so that I can be the best mom that Hailey and Ezra need when they are with me. They encouraged me to put my kids above anything else and always look to what they needed and how I could provide it for them, which meant building a village of great people around me to help in this amazing journey.

Recently, I have had a couple of people honestly comment about the fact that I have remained single as long as I have. Well, ten years to be exact. I am not sure if I should be offended or complimented when they share their words of wisdom. My response is always that I have high expectations and I will not settle. Of course, I have had a man or two cross my path in those years, but none that lasted. But one man asked if I was starting to get worried that I may live the rest of my life alone, because my kids are indeed getting older and will be out on their own before I know it. Yikes! Someone actually said this to me and to my face, in fact. WOW! It really got me to thinking and reflecting on my relationships. And I had an epiphany!

One of my favorite movies of all time, The Holiday, has a line that is so relevant to my life right now. Let me give you some background, Kate Winslet plays Iris in the movie, Iris has been in love with the same man for awhile, however, this man whom she loves doesn't put her first in his life. In fact, he leads her on all the while he is engaged to another woman. In one specific scene, Iris is having dinner with a wise older man who say the following to her,

"Iris, in the movies we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason you are behaving like the best friend."

I began to think about my last relationship that I had with a European man that I knew from my past. I endured a long distance relationship with him for far too long. I knew all along that there were some red flags and things that just didn't seem right. However, I kept acting like it was okay that I was the supporting role and not the leading lady in his life. And he definitely didn't see me as his leading lady, since he had so many ladies in his life at the same time. 

Most recently, I have been able to spend a bit of time with a great friend who I grew up with. We have so much fun together and I can absolutely be my true self with him. It is such a gift to be able to be who I am and know that he won't judge me or reject me for it. He is an amazing man and he doesn't even realize it. And as much as I would love to be the leading lady in his life later down the road, I still take on the role of the best friend. I care so much about him and what he is going through, that I take on the role of protecting him from how I feel. 

Maybe it is fear that holds me back from being the leading lady. Fear of rejection. Fear of being unloveable. Fear of loss. Fear of heartache. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of missing out on something wonderful. Fear of messing it up.

I often say to my friends, that I am a good catch and I have a lot to offer a man.  And even though the words come out of my mouth with such confidence, I realize that I don't truly believe it. So, now begins the journey of truly saying AND believing that I can be a leading lady. Someone told me once that we teach people how to treat us, so apparently I have to be better about teaching people how I will allow them to treat me. I found this definition of what it means to be a leading lady:

lead-ing la-dy n. – A woman who takes care of herself, lives life to its fullest, goes after her dreams, smiles, laughs, loves herself, loves others, and is happy. She lives out loud, not afraid to be her true, authentic self, the best version of herself.

It is time for me to remember that God has a plan for my life and I need to step out in faith, so I don't miss it. Fear will no longer hold me back from what may be waiting for me. I am ready to begin to believe and live out how I can be a leading lady!

Calling Me Higher

This Sunday, I am a part of the worship team. About once a month, I look forward to singing with some amazing musicians at my church. The best part is that we are just everyday people with families, jobs, and the busyness of life, however, when we put all of our gifts together it glorifies God in ways that I can not easily explain. Plus, I am surprised every time to find that the playlist of songs hits my heart right where God has it, so really there should be no surprise. Right?

One of my favorite groups I love to listen and worship to is All Sons and Daughters. In fact, they were in town for a festival this past summer and I was able to meet them. Yes, I was a bit awestruck and probably said something stupid like, "You guys are my favorite." Oh boy! I even took it one step further by getting a picture with them and to be honest, I felt like a giddy teenager again. Needless to say, they were very kind and so gracious. Their music is founded on scripture and full of truth that I desperately need to hear and be reminded of daily. Whenever we can sing one of their songs for worship, it is an honor.

This week, we are singing Called Me Higher by All Sons and Daughters AND Oceans by Hillsong. Can it get any better? Of course, there are three other songs that are just as fabulous, but these two hit home for me. Both of these songs talk about how we respond to God's calling. The songs are written to not hold anything back, but to tell of being bold and obeying God's calling on our lives. In Called Me Higher, the second verse says:

I could hold on, I could hold on to who I am
And never let you change me from the inside
I could be safe, I could be safe here in your arms
And never leave home, never let these walls down.

I know exactly what this is like, because I have lived it in so many ways. I hear God calling me to be bold and step out to share my story and it has taken me awhile to have the "guts" to do it. All that I have experienced in my life; a daughter of a drug addict, a married abused woman and mom, a divorced woman, a single mother of two-these experiences and more allow me to share what God has done in my life and the hope I have. However, this song reminds me how important it is to not get too comfortable and listen to God.

Another song that I love singing at the top of my lungs is Oceans. Read these lyrics:

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters, wherever you would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander,
And my faith will be made stronger, in the presence of my Savior.

That is my heart's cry, to be able to trust and go wherever he calls. The hardest part of this for me, is that I do like to be in control and this pretty much means I can't be...EVER! I continue to learn this lesson and usually the hard way. Right now, I am trying to figure out what I am supposed to be doing. I feel a pull to write, speak, sing, teach-what does all of this mean? I have absolutely no idea! Actually, this is quite unlike me to let go and let God so easily, but I am in a place where I am not sure what is next for me.

Music has always spoken to me in crazy, amazing ways and I wanted to share the way that God uses music to remind me of the truths and promises he gives to us. Here is to hoping that I stay the course and TRUST!

I am being called to write...What does it mean?

I don't want to sound obsessive or strange, but everyday I think about what I should or could be writing. There will be a "divine appointment" or a funny happening or a wonderful realization or encounter and I will think about how I can't wait to write about it. However, the busyness of life just keeps getting in the way. I would like to declare here and now that I will no longer be letting my passion for writing go by the wayside. Time will be devoted each week to getting my thoughts on paper or on this blog. I won't lie to you, I have no idea how I will be making this a reality, but the first step is to notice and then make a plan. Right?

God has been revealing a lot to me lately. If you don't know me well, I am a planner. I like to schedule things and write them in my Erin Condren planner, which I love so much! Sometimes, I see my daughter running around trying to schedule things with others too, just so that she can write it down and have a plan. Oh goodness, what have I done! All that to say, I always had a plan for my life and where I would go professionally. Now as I see my passions steer elsewhere, the future doesn't seem so clear. I have no idea what this means except that I will have to continue to rely solely on God and the plan he has for me. I think it may include writing, leading, speaking, and singing. But to be brutally honest, I have no idea, so for now I will write because I know I need to be doing that with all certainty.

My journey begins...

2013 is the year of RESTORATION

A dear friend of mine at church, Sara, gave me the most inspiring idea. Here is what she posted on facebook a few days ago:

Last year at www.pieceofscrap.org we did "one little word" (find out more on the site) you pick one word to describe how you want your year to go. Last year I picked "LOSE" I wanted to LOSE weight, LOSE stress, LOSE chaos in my life...I feel like I actually did that last year but want it to CONTINUE this year! so my word is CONTINUE! what will yours be?

It got me instantly thinking about what my word of the year would be and I have to say that I thought of many. None of the words that came to mind seemed to stick or feel right. Plus, God continually kept bringing the following verse to mind over and over again:

"A bruised reed he will not break,

and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out."

Matthew 12:20

I first discovered this powerful verse when I read a story written by Max Lucado in his book, He Still Moves Stones. Max writes a vivid story about attending an art exhibit titled, "Bruised Reeds and Smoldering Wicks."The art exhibit is in an intimate room filled with paintings that are back to back on easels. The picture on one side always shows a person in the depths of a dark and hard trial and on the opposite side the same person being rescued in complete peace by Jesus. Every time I read this story, I learn something new and reflect on what my paintings would like look showing all the times Jesus has rescued me in my darkest times.  

There have been many times throughout my life where I have felt like a bruised reed or a smoldering wick. But as Max Lucado says, Jesus is in the business of straightening bruised reeds and igniting smoldering wicks. Jesus never said that life would be easy, but he did promise to be by our side through the good and the bad. It only seems right that my word for 2013 should be Restoration, not only is the word in the title of my blog, but because Jesus is in the business of bringing Restoration to all that is bruised or smoldering. Let the healing and restoring continue...

Restoring our Family Legacy

It hardly seems possible that I have been divorced for close to six years. Throughout that time, God has been at my side every step of the way. Now I know I haven't always seen him, acknowledged him, or even stopped to notice that he picked me up every single time that I fell. There have even been times when I searched and searched for him, begged and screamed for him to help me, only to find out that I was looking in the wrong direction and all along he was holding me up. Throughout our journey, I have wanted to write about what God has been doing in our lives. This blog has been created to do just that.  I spent many hours trying to figure out a name for our blog, it only felt right to title it, Restoring our Family Legacy One Prayer at a Time...here's the story behind it.

Over a year ago, I stumbled across a singer named Matthew West. He came out with a disc called The Story of Your Life. As I listened to the disc there were a few songs that I was convinced were written for Hailey and Ezzie. Every time I listened to these songs, I begged and prayed that God would restore our Family Legacy by destroying the branches of Divorce, Addiction, Infidelity, and Abuse from our Family Tree.  My prayers goes something like this:

Dear God, Please intervene into Hailey and Ezra's life. I beg that you restore our family legacy through them. Help them to be surrounded by people who love them and help them to change what has happened in our family tree. Protect them from past generational sins, help make them break those sins and rewrite our legacy.

Does that seem to much to ask? I hope not, because I am reminded of many verses in the Bible that proclaim that God is in the business of saving and restoring. I MUST believe that God can Restore our Family Legacy! This past week at church we talked about how God allowed Elizabeth, a barren woman, to become pregnant. In Luke 1:37 the angel said, "For NOTHING is impossible with God."

The song that helped in naming our blog is Family Tree by Matthew West. The lyrics for Family Tree are:

You didn't ask for this
Nobody ever would
Caught in the middle of this dysfunction
It's your sad reality
It's your messed up family tree
And your left with all these questions

Are you gonna be like your father was and his father was?
Do you have to carry what they've handed down?

No, this is not your legacy
This is not your destiny
Yesterday does not define you
No, this is not your legacy
This is not your meant to be
I can break the chains that bind you

I have a dream for you
It's better than where you've been
It's bigger than your imagination
You're gonna find real love
And you're gonna hold your kids
You'll change the course of generations

No, this is not your legacy
This is not your destiny
Yesterday does not define you
No, this is not your legacy
This is not your meant to be
I can break the chains that bind you

Cause you're my child
You're my chosen
You are loved
You are loved

And I will restore
All that was broken
You are loved
You are loved

And just like the seasons change
Winter into spring
You're brining new life to your family tree now
Yes you are
You are

No, this will be your legacy
This will be your destiny
Yesterday did not define you
No, this will be your legacy
This will be your meant to be
I can break the chains that bind you

And just like the seasons change
Winter into spring
You're bringing new life to your family tree now