As I think about a decade flying by while I was raising Ezra and Hailey as a single mom, I have decided that I wouldn't want it any other way. What a blessing for me to be able to give all I can to being their mom! At the beginning of my journey as a single mom, Hailey's play therapist and my therapist played a big role when it came to giving me guidance and hope for the life I was jumping into. They told me about the important role I had in their lives. I needed to provide a safe, stable, and loving home for them to grow up in and do my best to help them see the importance of what a healthy family looks like, even if I was doing it on my own. As I struggled with the loneliness that I experienced when my kids with with their dad, they told me to find who Gretchen was again, to invest in others, and take time to better myself, so that I can be the best mom that Hailey and Ezra need when they are with me. They encouraged me to put my kids above anything else and always look to what they needed and how I could provide it for them, which meant building a village of great people around me to help in this amazing journey.
Recently, I have had a couple of people honestly comment about the fact that I have remained single as long as I have. Well, ten years to be exact. I am not sure if I should be offended or complimented when they share their words of wisdom. My response is always that I have high expectations and I will not settle. Of course, I have had a man or two cross my path in those years, but none that lasted. But one man asked if I was starting to get worried that I may live the rest of my life alone, because my kids are indeed getting older and will be out on their own before I know it. Yikes! Someone actually said this to me and to my face, in fact. WOW! It really got me to thinking and reflecting on my relationships. And I had an epiphany!
One of my favorite movies of all time, The Holiday, has a line that is so relevant to my life right now. Let me give you some background, Kate Winslet plays Iris in the movie, Iris has been in love with the same man for awhile, however, this man whom she loves doesn't put her first in his life. In fact, he leads her on all the while he is engaged to another woman. In one specific scene, Iris is having dinner with a wise older man who say the following to her,
"Iris, in the movies we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason you are behaving like the best friend."
I began to think about my last relationship that I had with a European man that I knew from my past. I endured a long distance relationship with him for far too long. I knew all along that there were some red flags and things that just didn't seem right. However, I kept acting like it was okay that I was the supporting role and not the leading lady in his life. And he definitely didn't see me as his leading lady, since he had so many ladies in his life at the same time.
Most recently, I have been able to spend a bit of time with a great friend who I grew up with. We have so much fun together and I can absolutely be my true self with him. It is such a gift to be able to be who I am and know that he won't judge me or reject me for it. He is an amazing man and he doesn't even realize it. And as much as I would love to be the leading lady in his life later down the road, I still take on the role of the best friend. I care so much about him and what he is going through, that I take on the role of protecting him from how I feel.
Maybe it is fear that holds me back from being the leading lady. Fear of rejection. Fear of being unloveable. Fear of loss. Fear of heartache. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of missing out on something wonderful. Fear of messing it up.
I often say to my friends, that I am a good catch and I have a lot to offer a man. And even though the words come out of my mouth with such confidence, I realize that I don't truly believe it. So, now begins the journey of truly saying AND believing that I can be a leading lady. Someone told me once that we teach people how to treat us, so apparently I have to be better about teaching people how I will allow them to treat me. I found this definition of what it means to be a leading lady:
lead-ing la-dy n. – A woman who takes care of herself, lives life to its fullest, goes after her dreams, smiles, laughs, loves herself, loves others, and is happy. She lives out loud, not afraid to be her true, authentic self, the best version of herself.It is time for me to remember that God has a plan for my life and I need to step out in faith, so I don't miss it. Fear will no longer hold me back from what may be waiting for me. I am ready to begin to believe and live out how I can be a leading lady!
